The stunning Second Adventure

The Second Adventure
We return to our story…already in progress…and approaching over budget.
(We see the director in a small, cluttered office, nervously talking on the phone to his producer)
Director: Well, yes…we did have a few problems. One of our actors playing the brothers got a bit injured in filming the last scene….What? No…he’ll be ok, he’s just going to be out for a few days, and we’ll film around him. I’ve already got Saul doing a few rewrites for me to mention his injury at the hands of the shark...yes, I know it was a sea lion, but since the action happened off camera, I thought I would use the scene cards to say it was a shark, because…you know…sharks just seem scarier. What?!? You liked the sea lion, what’s that…ok…ok…ok...uh huh…ok…ok, well I’ll just have the card say sea lion. Anything else, Sir? Uh huh…I see.
(Here we see the director sigh quietly and dejectedly while wiping his obviously sweaty forehead with his handkerchief)
Director: Ok, you say you really liked the magician whose no longer going to be a magician, so you thought we should go ahead and have one, but not him because you also like the idea of him being an ex-magician. Ok you’re confusing me a little with that sir. Oh, you want to introduce a new character that’s a magician full time, and since were down a brother, you also felt that this new character should use a bow. Well I would hate to second-guess you sir, since it’s your investment and all, but really the script just doesn’t seem to have room for another charac…ok you want one anyway. But sir, we’ve already begun filming and finding another actor at such short notice may prove dif…Oh you’ve already found one? Your nephew? (Sighs) I see sir, but does he have any acting experience per se?
(The director is now mimicking banging his head against his desk)
Director: Well I’m sure he could learn on the set sir, and you want him to be distinct from the others? He’s not a midget is he? No, darn, we could have given the dwarf a brother. Ok you want him to be a what? An elf? What’s an elf? Something else from Norse mythology like the dwarf? I see, well I guess we can do that, but really sir I think your love of Skaldic epics may be having undue influence on what I think was a really good script to begin with. What? Well, yes I guess it is your money and we can rewrite it the way you want. No I’m sure the screenwriter won’t mind. Yes sir, I’m sure they love it when people rewrite their work to improve on it. Yes, I’m sure he will probably thank me. Well if that’s all (crosses fingers) I’ll say goodbye now and go back to shooting with the changes you recommend. Thank you sir, you too, goodbye.
(The director takes a half-full bottle of scotch from beneath his desk, takes a swig from it and leaves his office and moves back towards the set)
Director: SAUL!!!! I’m going to need some rewrites. Put the card saying that one of the brothers was mauled by a sea lion back in. Apparently our producer thinks that sharks can’t be too menacing because people can just get out of the water, plus he says we couldn’t really film underwater anyway and we can’t really get a man in a shark suit to move like a real shark. He said because of these limitations nobody will ever make a shark movie that will see any profit and he isn’t going to throw his money away trying. Well anyway, let’s get to shooting.
(Scene 6, adventures back at the inn)
Director: Ok for this scene I want a little foreshadowing. The group is back at the inn where they’re going to talk to the female innkeeper, don’t worry we’ve gotten someone good looking and exotic for the part. Yep, part Japanese, a real looker. She’ll get kidnapped later, so I want a few good close-ups on her. Ok put up the card saying that the brother that was mauled is out of commission and good. CUT! Print it!
(Scene 7, the sheriff’s office)
Director: Ok now were back with the bald sheriff, we’re going to give some exposition into these goblin attacks and introduce the producer’s nephew. I mean the new elf here. Oh and make the woman that all of these people are trying to meet also be an elf, so it looks like this new guy isn’t the only one in the world. Ok good, cue the sheriff talk…talk…talk…Oh for Crissakes! Emote already! No…MORE! Yes that’s it, yes, yes, you’re doing great (rolls eyes) Ok the sheriff is going to leave the group in charge while he recruits more men to fight off the goblin attack
(Scene 8, the scrap heap)
Director: Ok not too much here. The group is looking for goblins but not finding any. Ok let’s have a bit of trash dropped on them for comic relief, ok good
(Scene 9, Foxglove’s breakfast)
Director: Ok here we’re going to have a nice breakfast with the rich nobleman the dwarf and the magician saved, good…good…this is just a bit of foreshadowing and a little bit of group bonding as these strangers are growing more comfortable with one another.
(Scene 10, the mayor’s office)
Director: Ok since the guy playing the sheriff is off sulking because he doesn’t like my direction, the heroes are in charge. They are going to meet the mayor who is played whom Saul? Oh over there? Could you point them out? The guy behind the woman? No? You mean the woman? What-the-hell Saul, nobody’s going to buy a female mayor. What? The producer’s sister? I thought the producer’s sister was the barmaid? Oh different sister…I see (sighs). Just out of curiosity Saul, How many family members does our beloved producer have that are going to be in this picture? What? I don’t want to know? Catholic you say? Fine, female mayor, whatever…let’s shoot it. Ok they meet the mayor. When they’re interrupted by a note mentioning the kidnapping. Great work with those midgets Saul, this one looks different from the others, very distinctive. Why is she barefoot?...ok I won’t worry about it, we’ll just go with it. CUT and Print!

(Scene 11 the glassblowers)
Director: Ok we’re going to have a big fight against the goblins here. They’ve kidnapped the sexy barkeep by sending her a note from her half-brother. Ok let the heroes really fight it out. Ok good lots of damage, no wait, you don’t jump through that…..window…Ok good not damaged, our insurance budget was running a bit high. Now good chase the mysterious um..elf…or whatever that’s behind the goblins, good capture him and let’s rescue the barmaid. Oh she’s tied up, not too sexy Saul, those crazy suffragettes will be all over us for that. Ok good, she’s rescued, the villain turns out to be her brother after all, but he’s not the overall master mind, good a dark mysterious tunnel leads off into the distance and CUT…that’s a wrap for today… See you all tomorrow bright and early.